I decided to do something random this spring, just to see what God was doing. I started writing the last week of April. This is only a small section of it.
You have to understand, I don’t write. My sister does. I don’t. You also have to understand, this isn’t a story of any kind, its prayer…so I pray weird. Sorry.
There are a few things I really think we need to discuss here Lord…like my life, for instance. Why am I here anyway? It really doesn’t make sense…if you think about…from my perspective. I mean, work is fine and all that, sometimes even great! But I still don’t get it. Why here, why now? My mere existence probably bothers more people here than I can even imagine.
Work today was interesting, almost enjoyable. My boss is on vacation, although that’s not why work is enjoyable…You know what I meant, thank heavens. That is another thing…everything I say either comes out wrong, or gets taken wrong. What’s up with that anyway? I think it’s just a bad habit I need to break or something…
My little brother called! That’s another thing. Why does he call me now? He never used to, not until I came to work here. Anyway, it was good to talk to him. I appreciate that you love me enough to have him call me. You are a good God!
I asked my little brother about that…the whole “Why am I here?” thing. I begin to see why, Lord. He told me that the reason why I am here is so that I would learn to talk to You! How amazing is that!? It’s like You told him to say that or something…You probably did…come to think about it. He’s right though. I have learned to talk to You here. I take that back, I am learning to talk to You. I fear sometimes I forget to talk to You when I really ought to.
What makes me talk to You now Lord? I really never did this before. Is it just that you have shown me that You are powerful? I have seen Your Hand at work, and I know it’s Yours. I know that has impacted me, but I’m not entirely sure that’s the whole reason. Why is it that I can actually see Your Hand at work now? I could very well say that I haven’t ever seen You do stuff like this before. Or at least, I haven’t noticed You.
I think I see it now! It is You. The I AM. Just You, taking the time to talk to me. Why do You talk to me? I am nothing…probably lower than nothing…if it’s possible. Why do You invite me to sit on Your lap and talk to You? You have taught me something about You…You can break the lies I thought were true, and then put truth in my heart. I didn’t think anything could break those. Not that “Seven step to Freedom” can’t work for some people…I’m just not one of those people. It’s not steps though. It’s You!
God, I am grateful that You never gave up on me…I’m beginning to see how much You put up with. You have told me who I am, after all You’ve let me do to myself. All the choices I have made, and yet You have called me. A name from You. Your Daughter.
Who is so great a God as our God? Psalm 77:13