There is a verse in Proverbs that says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life,” and when I would read it I would think, “Yeah, I’m guarding my heart, I’m fine there.” But I wasn’t guarding my mind, and if I do not guard my mind and take my thoughts captive, that is going to cause a lot of problems.
I have been struggling with a competing affection for several years now. I have tried to get free from it but never had lasting results. I would be free for awhile, then gradually slip back into the “rut” and before I knew it I was fighting it again. I would pray and try surrendering it to God, but at the same time I was fearful of losing it for good and still held it by a very small thread.
I tried solving it with my own abilities and by getting counsel from friends, but nothing was working. Satan just kept hurling the darts and because I didn’t have a proper shield, most of them were hitting the target.
When the opportunity came for me to go to Journey to the Heart, I jumped at it and hoped that maybe this would be my chance to get free from it.
It was!!
Early on in the Journey God kept giving me verses on seeking Him, and in my heart I thought, “Why is He telling me this? I have been seeking Him. How is this going to help me?”
But as I started reading through my Journey to the Heart binder, the following stood out to me. “You will experience the tug of competing affections, but Deuteronomy 4:29 says, ‘If from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God with, thou shalt find Him, if thou seek Him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.’”
I realized at that point that I had not been seeking Him with ALL my heart – only most of it. And at that moment I fully surrendered that competing affection to God. I felt so much better, but I had a fear of going home and facing the temptation and not being able to conquer it.
Friday our team went to Bond Falls, a waterfall about 30 minutes away from the lodge, and we all split up for a time of personal devotions. I was reading my Bible, and God gave me these verses.
“And He said unto them,Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?”
(Mark 4:40)
“For with God nothing shall be impossible.”
(Luke 1:37)
And God opened my eyes to see that I am not doing this alone. He is with me every step of the way. At that moment I surrendered my fear to God and felt such a sense of peace. Later I realized that I was actually looking forward to coming home now that I no longer had that fear.
Yes, I miss my wonderful teammates, but I am anxious to see what God has in store for me as I continue my lifelong journey with Him.
~ Sara
June 2011 Girl’s Journey
