About a month before the Journey, God began dealing with me specifically in the area of humility. He kept bringing me back to James 4:6-10: “God resists the proud, but gives grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. . . . Draw nigh to God . . . cleanse your hands . . . purify your hearts . . . humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord.” Humility is something I periodically pray for, but really don’t want to go through the process of learning. So this time I prayed for humility, and the willingness to accept the means by which God wanted to answer that request.

It started at home, checking with my family members to see if my conscience really was clear toward them. It went to a new level at the airport when obstacles started coming up. Two other girls and I were traveling together and when one of them couldn’t go through security because of ID, she wanted to stop right there in the crowded security line and pray. Okay, Lord, I asked You for humility . . . . Seeing Him work in everyday circumstances was not new to me, but praying out loud in a public place was. Though several more problems came up, we watched the Lord answer prayer and smooth them all out.

At the first session, someone spoke about the sin of the fear of man. Fear of man has always been a problem for me, but I don’t remember ever hearing it classified as a sin! The next morning I was reading my Bible in the living room, and one other girl from my team was seated on the far side of the room doing the same thing. God suddenly laid on my heart that He wanted me to confess the sin of the fear of man—out loud. So I whispered a prayer of confession. “Louder,” He said. I tried again, still in a whisper. “Louder!” “But she’ll hear me!” I answered. It was a struggle that lasted several minutes.

I knew if I didn’t obey in one thing, then the whole week would be wasted. Anything I hoped to learn about loving God would mean nothing if I wasn’t willing to obey Him in everything. So at last, with His grace, I went over and asked the other girl to pray with me so that I could confess this sin with my mouth out loud to the Lord.

Listening to a sermon by Paul Washer later that week, God convicted me about some forms of entertainment that had become idols for me. That night when the team met, we experienced an amazing time of prayer, and only the first of many. There is nothing in this world like praying with a group of believers who all just want to be honest and open before God and to know Him more than anything else. It is worth the humbling, the confessions, and the tears.

During the Journey, I was given a great deal of time to just get alone with God—and I do mean alone. No telephone, no laundry, no computer, no work or church schedule, no little children (as much as I love them, they are distractions!) There just aren’t that many opportunities for quietness and aloneness in this world, and that was a great blessing.

Most importantly, I learned all over again that loving God takes complete dedication. You don’t add loving God to your list of things to do—that is the one thing to focus on, because it takes all of you. That means approaching my daily responsibilities and opportunities with the attitude of “how can I do this thing unto my Lord?”

~ Kelli
March 2010 Journey

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