During my personal interview with Mr. Gothard at the start of the Journey, he asked me, “On a scale 1 -10 (10 being the strongest) how would you rate your relationship with God?”
I replied, “It would be a 1.”
On the outside, I looked like a pretty nice Christian young man who had a fairly good life. On the inside, I was headed down a path leading to destruction. My life was a total mess. I had a lot of bitterness towards my parents and I was filled with anger, malice, rage, hatred, lust, immorality, and moral perversions. I believed the lie from Satan that I didn’t need anyone else . . . God or parents. So it’s safe to say that even though I had said the “sinners prayer” before, my relationship with God was pretty much nonexistent.
To be perfectly honest with you, I really didn’t want to go on the Journey to the Heart. However, it was my dad’s desire that I go, so I submitted and decided to go with an open heart. I also determined that I wanted to find God on this Journey.
Fast forward . . . to Tuesday morning – March 31st
This was the first day at the Northwoods, up in Michigan. I was lying in my bed doing my quiet time and wrote a simple prayer in my journal. The prayer went like this:
I want to find you! Help me to forgive my parents, Lord. Help me, give me the courage to confess my sins and competing affections out loud to you on this Journey! Thank you Jesus for making it possible for me to come on this Journey. Bless the rest of my family today Lord. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
I want to share a verse with you that is found in Jeremiah 29:13: “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” This verse is so true. Literally one hour later the Holy Spirit came upon me in a way that I have never experienced before and I just broke. I was on my knees/face weeping before the Lord confessing every sin that I could think of out loud to God and to my other teammates. I confessed my pride, my bitterness, my anger, my lust, my immorality, everything I could think of I confessed to God. I told God that I forgave my parents for the hurts they caused me.
I began rebuking Satan. I told him that I didn’t want him in my life anymore and commanded him to flee. Then I asked God to fill me with His Spirit. Our team spent two hours of praying and confessing hidden sins to God and to one another. I can tell you I felt a lot better after praying this prayer. This all happened on Tuesday and it took me until Wednesday sometime to realize that God had answered every single line of that prayer that I had written down in my journal that morning.
Wednesday – April 1st
Wednesday was a day of discussing how to get rid of the hidden sins and secret lusts (competing affections) that hinder us from fully loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Earlier in the week we had heard the phrase: “The power of sin is in its secrecy.” This means that once a sin is exposed, confessed, and repented of, the sin has no more power over you. This is why it is crucial when we confess our sins that we confess every detail of the particular sin so that Satan has nothing to fall back on. It is like when someone goes into surgery for cancer and the doctors performing the surgery must make sure they cut off every part of that tumor. Otherwise, what happens? The tumor grows back.
Our leader, Chad, told us if there was anything we needed to confess to our parents that would be hindering our walk with the Lord, and hindering the one accord between the group, he would make it possible for us to use the phones over at the main lodge. God had convicted me of a particular sin that I had been struggling with that I needed to confess and ask for forgiveness.
After dinner, we went over to the main lodge and I called my dad. He wasn’t there. I left him a message saying I had accepted Christ as my Savior and that I needed to talk to him so I would either call them back later or to just keep me accountable and ask me when I get home. Later that night, I called again and this time I got a chance to talk with my dad and my mom. At first I only confessed it to my dad, but I eventually decided that I needed to confess it to my mom as well. After confessing it to both my parents and asking for their forgiveness they both said they forgave me. I am on a quest of desiring to fully confess everything to my parents and cleanse my heart of all impurities.
- Go with an open heart
- Meet God in supernatural way
- Come home loving God more then I ever have before
God answered every single one of those requests! It just goes to show that if we seek God with all our hearts, we will indeed find Him. If we seek Him, He will make Himself known to us in ways we could have never imagined.
March 2009 Journey