Wolf LakeLast Tuesday morning found me waking up to the sun’s first rays on Wolf Lake and the singing robin outside my open window in the Northwoods. My heart had been craving for this special time of rest, refreshment, and renewal with God so long! I eagerly reached for my Journal and started writing.

I quickly filled a whole page with my desires for God for the week, and opened God’s Word to find His requirements to obtain those desires. After several hours reading, I was utterly ashamed and horrified with myself. I opened God’s Word to find His requirements to obtain the desires of my heartI picked up my journal and realized that the only thing God wanted on the opposing page was “Holiness and purity by His definition only.” Suddenly, He asked me a question that filled another page and broke my heart deeper with the realization of who I actually am. My pen began to write faster:

“Who says it is not sin, the dividing force between you and Me, when you choose to spend too much, when you fall into self-pity, when you ponder a fleeting judgmental or lustful thought for just three seconds, when you do what you consider a ‘small sin’? It still destroys our relationship.

“‘Big sins’ are just a manifestation of the ‘little’ things you let slide without a second thought of Me. Am I not worth it to you, is eternity not valuable enough, to keep yourself pure and holy when I have already given you what you need to live truly free from sin? Where are you? Here we are sitting on the porch swing together talking and tossing a ball (our thoughts) back and forth between us and suddenly you are behaving like a careless child, running into the street to get the ball that you took and threw. ‘Uh-oh!’ and off you go.

“You have asked Me why it is you don’t have My presence every moment of the day. You keep asking Me where I’m slipping off to, and why we can’t do this all day anymore—but the truth is, it’s you. You have forgotten what real sin is. You keep telling your (our) testimony of your new freedom since you surrendered all and fell in love with Me last year, but what I see when I look at you hurts Me. Please realize that the ‘great sins’ you came clean from, stem from thoughts not nipped in the bud. Have you been capturing those thoughts recently? No, I’ve seen you. I want you. Please stop chasing off in to the street. Not only does it look stupid, people look at Me funny.

“Besides, every ‘small’ decision has huge consequences. Remember what I freed you from a year ago? Suicide, rebellion, hatred—those are the cars that are eventually going to hit you, if you don’t stay close by Me—and the only way to stay close is to be holy. Yes, be holy.”

I thought I needed to come to the Northwoods to rest and spend more time with God. What I really needed was to see my sin again as God does!I thought I needed to come to the Northwoods to rest and spend more time with God. What I really needed was to see my sin again as God does! This is God’s way to create love in us. Remember the woman who was a sinner in Luke chapter seven? Verse 47 illustrates God’s answer to my desire to love Him more by breaking me afresh, “Wherefore I say unto thee, her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.” While it was unexpected, it was His way to make me fall for Him again!

~ Johanna
June 2009 Girls’ Journey

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This entry was posted on Sunday, June 28th, 2009 at 2:00 am and is filed under Journey Testimonies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.